Learning Log

Learning Outcome 1: Writing as a recursive process. 

When revising my papers and pieces of writing, I focus on tackling global issues before local issues. I begin my reading my peer’s comments and I evaluate whether or not I think I should listen to the suggestions. If I feel like the suggestions will better my essay, I will implement them into various parts of my draft. In our first essay, I switched paragraphs six and seven to create a better flow in the paper. I also added in a full paragraph relating the text and ideas to myself. I finished my revisions by adding onto my conclusion, which applies some of my ideas to the world as a whole. After I attacked these revisions, I print out my essay and make handwritten revisions on local issues in the essay. These changes can be seen in the image below. Through this process, I have learned that it is valuable to revisit my essay multiple times and to not try to revise everything once. Editing the paper at different times allowed me to see the essay at different angles and perspectives. Printing out the paper and revising by hand also helped point out places for revision that I did not see on the computer.

Revisited: In Essay #2 I continued to focus on global revisions and structural parts of the writing. For first draft revisions, I added an entire paragraph providing an example of how social media can be used productively. I added a small transition and comparison on page three when introducing the ideas Anderson and Samuel as a way to connect their claims but still show that they differ as well. My final major revision included the personal story I added on page five, where I discuss my experiences of FOMO and balancing my own use of technology. These additions can be seen in highlighted text in my final draft.

Learning Outcome 2: Integrating your ideas with those of others. 

Before college, I had not heard of the TRIAC method of writing. However, I had learned to write in a similar way using the “Quotation Sandwich”. In my TRIAC blog post, I do an okay job of integrating my quote into the paragraph. I write, “She even stated, ‘perhaps this may have facilitated more realistic and open discussion of AIDS, more compassionate attitudes toward infected people, and pragmatic behavior change’ (116).” I introduce my quote and do not let it hang in the middle of the paragraph. I will chose a different signal phrase next time instead of writing “she even stated.” After the quote, I analyze what the author said, but could include more language that is used in the quote to make sure I am truly analyze what is written and not just stating what my opinions are. In the paragraph, though, I am successful at showing all pieces of the TRIAC: topic, restriction, illustration, analysis and conclusion.

Revisited:In Essay #2, I confidently wrote a Naysayer/Barclay’s paragraph on page two of my essay to immediately rebut the opposing opinion and to further set up my arguments following the introduction of my thesis statement. One strong aspect of that paragraph was my transition between the two authors. I wrote, “However, Alexandra Samuel would complicate Twenge’s claim, suggesting that we must accept the idea that we cannot be at every social event or outing.” This sets up the main structure of the paragraph by comparing the two authors and their arguments. One thing I could work on in this aspect of my writing is making sure that I have a strong, arguable claim at the beginning of the paragraph. For example, I wrote, “Jean Twenge, a published psychologist, describes in her article, “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?”, that teens’ social media usage can be related to poor self-esteem and low self-confidence.” This is not a claim, but instead a topic sentence. I need to insert a claim at the beginning of the paragraph that I readdress at the end.

Learning Outcome 3: Active, critical reading. 

I have developed skills of active reading. At first, I was not a strong annotator and did not write a lot of notes in the margins. I was used to high lighting and making a few comments on the side, which is seen in my annotations on the Helen Epstein article (left). After focusing on making more comments on the margins, I have seen an improvement in my annotations. In the “Defense of Distraction” article, I made a comment for almost every paragraph (right). Annotating with more writing in the margins has helped me better understand the article and the arguments of the author. In an article, such as the “In Defense of Distraction”, where the author continuously complicates his arguments, strong annotations are a MUST and they automatically helped me understand what his main claim was.

I have also shown skills of critical thinking and connection making. In my Anne Hallward TED Talk blog response, I connect Hallward’s story about her father’s dementia to my grandmother’s struggle with Alzheimer’s disease. I was successful at making this text-to-self connection. This example can be found here.

Revisited: My annotations and active, critical reading skills have continued to develop while reading the last three articles assigned. In the “Plug In Better: A Manifesto” article, I increased the amount of annotations that I wrote and made more meaningful marks, such as the authors main claim and argument (left). I increased my annotations in the “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation” article as well (right). 

In my blog post about the social change authors and activists, Charles Duhigg and Bill McKibben, I use the Barclay’s formula to show a strong text-to-text connection. I connect Duhigg’s ideas of “strong ties and “weak ties” to McKibben’s argument that urges “knit communities”.

Learning Outcome 4: Critiquing your own and others’ work. 

When critiquing others’ works, I now focus on commenting on global issues in the essay because those are the most significant places to improve on. At the beginning of the semester, I commented on more local parts of the essays and did not mention improvements that I thought could be made on the structure of the essay I was reviewing. On Hannah’s intro essay I wrote, “[r]emove ‘I believe’ – just state your claim and it will be strong”. This comment is helpful when addressing small grammatical issues in the writing, but truly did not help her improve the overall message of the essay. However, as the semester went on, I have improved on commenting on the larger, more important parts of the work that I am reviewing. For example, on Sarah’s recent essay, I commented, “I like this paragraph and the ideas behind it. However, it may be helpful to discuss Epstein and her ideas before addressing her research so this paragraph better connects to your thesis.” I also write, “… I like the idea of vulnerability in your thesis, but it does not seem to carry through the entire essay. The idea of facing difficult topics and being uncomfortable does, however.” These comments address specific aspects of her essay and were focused on the global aspect of her thesis statement.

Revisited: I have continued to focus on commenting on global revisions when peer editing. On Sarah’s second essay I made sure to comment on larger aspects of her writing, rather than typos or simple fixes. For example, I wrote, “I think this paragraph could be formatted into a Barclay’s paragraph because you quote two authors and describe how they are similar.” This comment suggests that a Barclay’s paragraph could be implemented to further explain and compare the two authors. In my letter at the end of my comments, I made mention of how she should connect each paragraph back to her thesis so the readers do not become lost throughout the essay. For simple, local revisions I reminded Sarah to check her use of commas and MLA formatting because there was a pattern of errors involving those two topics. My comments on Sarah’s essay can be found here.

When revising and commenting on my own drafts, I find it very helpful to read my paper aloud, or even to someone. This way I can hear whether or not something makes sense or if it connects to my thesis. I did find that I commented on mostly local revisions when self editing my paper. However, some strong comments I wrote on my draft include, “Attempt at text-to-self connection. Add a reference to an author to make a direct connection to a quote or paraphrase” and “Use more language from Anderson’s quote to make analysis more clear and connected to the quote”. I will make sure to focus on making stronger and more structure related comments when reviewing my third essay. Only commenting on small typos or simple sentences will not allow me to seriously advance my writing.

Learning Outcome 5: Using MLA citation.

When paraphrasing and quoting in my writing, I am comfortable when using the MLA format. I am confident in where my quotation marks go, where I place a parentheses and how I format the page number or citation after the sentence or quote. An example of my quotation skills can be see in my first essay, which discusses Anne Hallward’s and Helen Epstein’s ideas. I state, “…this may have contributed to what sociologists call social cohesion” (116). The red lettering shows how I quote using MLA formatting. I am also successful at paraphrasing using MLA formatting which is shown when I state, “…rate of suicide among LGBTQ teens in Massachusetts has been reduced by half since the marriage equality law has been in place for ten years (8:30).” This red lettering shows the time stamp I used following the paraphrasing what Hallward discussed in one of her Ted Talks. I am also confident when setting up my works cited page, which can be seen on the last page of my first essay.

Revisited: My use of MLA formatting has stayed at the same level that it was at during the composition of Essay #1. I can successfully quote authors and create a works cited page. For example, in Essay #2 I wrote,  “… you can unplug from the enfeebling qualities of the Internet, simply by focusing your own time online on the activities and contributions that create meaning for yourself and others” (4). The red lettering indicates where I used MLA formatting to quote an author from an article. I made sure my period was after the page number and that my quotations were located around the quote. My works cited page can be found on the last page of Essay #2.

Learning Outcome 6: Managing individual error patterns. 

In my writing, I occasionally use comma slices or run-ons when I should really break up the two clauses and create two sentences. I struggle to identify these examples, but took note of them when I received my first essay back. In the first draft of Essay #1, I wrote, “Both Hallward’s and Epstein’s ideas of personal connection are reflected in one another, which is presented by Hallward supporting the significance of being vulnerable as a way to inspire social change, which complements Epstein’s push for standing up against social stigmas and can be seen in the Inkanyezi organization.” This sentence is way too long and clearly does not make sense. In my final draft, I fixed this run-on by writing, “Both Hallward’s and Epstein’s ideas of personal connection are reflected in one another. Hallward supports the significance of being vulnerable as a way to inspire social change, which complements Epstein’s push for standing up against social stigmas and can be seen in the Inkanyezi organization.” I was successful at breaking up the two independent ideas and creating two sentences, ultimately making the beginning of the paragraph more clear. 

Unfortunately, I showed an example of a comma splice in the final draft of my essay. I wrote, “This form of conversation may not be as personal as a face to face interaction, however, it may inspire others to share what they heard with another person, which eventually can spread a single message and create relationships between people.” Next time, I will remove the comma from before “however” and place a period there, creating two sentences. In future writing, my goal is to reduce as many comma splices or run-ons that I have and to make sure that I am separating my ideas in order to keep good flow in the writing. 

Revisited: Fortunately, in my most recent essay I completely eliminated comma splices and there were no feedback comments regarding run-ons or the misuse of commas. I have been very focused and conscious around this grammar area so I have not found any comma splices in my most recent writing. One example of my improvement can be seen in my Technology blog post where I state, “Although many researchers and psychologist stress the importance of limiting how much technology our society uses, teenagers may argue that there is not a real issue because that is the way our world is evolving. However, my thoughts on this topic challenge those of many teens.” In the past, I would have placed a comma before “However” and created a comma splice. Now, I inserted a period and created two sentences. 

My grammar mini-lesson discusses comma splices and the further research into this grammar point has improved my ability to identify when I misuse a comma and how I can fix that error.